| What makes two people incompatible? How do you | | | | high velocities to determine what other particles or |
| recognize the elements of incompatibility?Many lucky | | | | energy will be released upon collision." She said, "Very |
| relationships take off like a rocket and, in spite of | | | | good. You maast hev vone at home." I said, "I have |
| occasional ups and downs, last a lifetime. However, a | | | | two -- one in the kitchen, one in the bedroom." She |
| great number of relationships don't fare so well. | | | | continued, "Zo, instead of subatomic particles, vee |
| Why? What makes two people incompatible? How | | | | pud in a male und a female rat vit contrasting |
| do you recognize the elements of incompatibility? | | | | personalities, und vee accelerated zem to sree [3] |
| And how do you avoid getting entangled in a no-win | | | | times ze speed zat zey voood normally run to get a |
| situation?These and other such crucial questions will | | | | piece of cheese." I interrupted, "What do you call |
| not be answered in this article. Mainly, because of | | | | contrasting personalities in rats?" She said, "Vone eats |
| space problems. Secondly, because I haven't the | | | | aap ze whole cheese aaz soon aaz you give it to |
| faintest idea what the answers are. If I did, I'd buy a | | | | heem, und ze ozer vone bakes ah shtrudel vit it." I |
| big couch, a good clock, and bill clients by the | | | | said, "I see. Those are definitely contrasting |
| nanoseconds.But analyzing a few case histories may | | | | personalities."She went on: "After a few minutes, I |
| at least help shed some light on the matter. After | | | | und my rat specialist heard ze female rat sqveeking. |
| that, who knows, the answers may be just around | | | | Ze specialist tells me she vas saying, 'I'm not enjoying |
| the corner.One case worth recounting is Bernie's. | | | | zis trip! Zis vasn't my idea. Zis is ze lest trip I'm taking |
| (Bernie was not his real name. His parents never told | | | | vit you. Ven vee get beck, I vant to speak to my |
| him his real name.) Bernie went out with this girl for | | | | lawyer." Dr. Krestheimer slammed down hard on her |
| four months before realizing that the only thing he | | | | desk and exclaimed, "Zo, zere you hev it! Ze proof is |
| had in common with her was a Maytag repairman. In | | | | in ze shtrudel!" I said, "You mean, pudding." She said, |
| the end, he said the relationship taught him that | | | | "Please, dun't mix aap my experiments." I asked, "So |
| when a "spin cycle" begins to look more like a "slow | | | | what does this prove?" She said, "It proooves zat |
| rinse" it's time to hang it up to dry. Now he's going | | | | ven two people are incompaateeble, vone mate |
| out with someone more compatible, and he's bubbling | | | | shoood not pressure ze ozer vone to go on a trip if |
| with joy.Then, there was this married couple who, | | | | he or she does not vant to go."Not quite grasping |
| although both were sports buffs, was incompatible | | | | how she arrived at this conclusion, I demanded, "A |
| because, ironically, they had something else in | | | | rat squeaking in an a particle accelerator? How does |
| common -- both had to have the last word. Watching | | | | this prove anything?" Angrily, she shouted, "Eenaaf of |
| them argue was like watching a baseball game go | | | | zis! Get out of my office! Vat do you know about |
| into eighty-seven innings. Hardly a day passed that | | | | rats?! You dun't even know how to bake ah shtrudel! |
| the "game" was "rained out." One heated argument | | | | In ze time I vasted vit you I coood hev made |
| resulted in the tossing of all their china ware at each | | | | eenaaf maaney to buy a brend new couch und sree |
| other -- they referred to it as "The World Series." | | | | more condos! Out!"Only several hours after leaving |
| Actually, in a strange sort of way, they seemed to | | | | Dr. Krestheimer's office did I realize the implications of |
| enjoy their shouting and carrying on. But the marriage | | | | her experiment. Reading between the lines, I |
| almost ended in divorce when she got laryngitis. Their | | | | deduced that incompatibility is not necessarily |
| marriage counselor recommended a live-in umpire. | | | | irreversible -- two people with vastly different |
| Eventually, they learned to adjust to their problem -- | | | | temperaments can learn to adjust to one another's |
| now, before every argument, they sing The | | | | idiosyncrasies. With this new awareness, I set out to |
| Star-Spangled Banner.Another couple got divorced for | | | | explore relationships which I had previously |
| religious reasons -- she worshipped money, he had | | | | considered unsuitable.I am now going out with a girl |
| none.To assist in the analysis of the problems of | | | | who is seven inches taller than me, speaks only |
| incompatibility, I decided to enlist the help of an old | | | | Slovak, and doesn't go out on a third date unless you |
| friend, a world-renowned psychologist, a genius | | | | open a joint account and write her into your will. How |
| without equal, a legend on her own couch, a master | | | | do we get along on a date? Well, I keep my right |
| of treacherous love affairs, Dr. Tootsie Krestheimer. | | | | two tires slightly deflated so at least in the car we |
| (Her mentor is the noted sexologist Dr. Ruthy | | | | appear to be the same height. But trying to have an |
| Westheimer with the heavy German accent.) It is | | | | intimate, heart-to-heart talk through an interpreter is |
| reported that in her entire career no couple who | | | | not easy. And then, trying to find a movie which I |
| came to her for counseling ever got divorced before | | | | like, and she likes, and the interpreter likes, and her |
| their therapy bills were paid up. If that's not a | | | | lawyer likes, does put somewhat of a strain on the |
| phenomenal feat, I don't know what is.My visit with | | | | relationship. But when you get group discounts |
| Dr. Krestheimer began with a direct question: "What | | | | wherever you go, who cares.by Josh Greenberger |
| can you tell me about incompatibility?""Vell, I tell you | | | | from Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for |
| saamsing," she responded in her heavy | | | | over two decades, the author has developed |
| Chinese-Bulgarian accent, "faanny you shoood esk | | | | software for such organizations as NASA's Goddard |
| about incompaataabeelity. Just lest veek vee did an | | | | Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, Charles Schwab, |
| experiment on dis saabject vit a particle accelerator. | | | | Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since |
| You know vat is dis a particle accelerator?" I said, | | | | 1984, the author's literary works have appeared in |
| "Physicists use that. Aren't you a psychologist?" | | | | such periodicals as The New York Post, The Daily |
| Impatiently, she replied, "I dabble in everysing! Jaast | | | | News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press, and |
| enswer ze qvestion!" I said, "Yes. It's an apparatus | | | | others. His articles have ranged from humor to |
| physicists use to accelerate subatomic particles to | | | | scientific to topical events. Visit his site: shopndrop. |