| As a father, I take pride in not being the sort of | | | | the opportunity to look around. |
| husband that does not leave all the duties of child | | | | My son observed a pair of feet in the stall next to |
| rearing to my wife. | | | | us. ?Hey, there?s somebody over there,? He |
| I pride myself in being the kind of husband and father | | | | announced in his outdoor voice. Honestly the whole |
| that takes an active part in helping care for my | | | | quiet voice thing seemed beyond his understanding. If |
| children. If they woke up in the middle of the night or | | | | he had something to say, there was no sense being |
| needed fed or diapers changed, I would help out as | | | | shy about it. "It's alright," I replied in my inside voice. I |
| often as I could to take the burden off my wife. So | | | | took a glance down at the strangers feet myself and |
| when we were on a family outing to the local | | | | noticed that they were at least three inches longer |
| shopping mall and my son needed to go potty it was | | | | than my own. ?How?s it coming there son?? I asked |
| only natural that I should take him. I had taken him | | | | trying to keep my little guy focused. ?Are you going |
| several times at home as he was making the all | | | | potty over there too?? my son inquired of the |
| important switch from diapers to big boy underwear. | | | | mysterious feet. ?Just let the nice man go potty and |
| We were both pretty comfortable with the routine. | | | | you go potty too,? once again attempting to remind |
| There would only be one teeny tiny little difference | | | | him we did come in here for a reason. ?Are you |
| this time. This time it would be a public restroom | | | | about done little man?? |
| experience. | | | | It was quiet for a moment and I thought perhaps |
| Thinking back on my own crucial steps toward | | | | the worst was over. But no. The man next door |
| manhood, I thought this might be a little intimidating | | | | made a sort of sloppy sound. The kind of sound that |
| for my little man. When I was his age my family used | | | | you just hate to make in a public restroom. That was |
| to go to the drive in theater (remember those?). | | | | a sound you really only wanted to make in the |
| Mom would put me in my pajamas before we left | | | | comfort and confines of your own private bathroom |
| home. When we arrived at the show, I would | | | | at home. If you do make such a sound in a public |
| consume large quantities of juice and before long I | | | | restroom, you really hope no one notices. |
| was in need of relief. My dad would dutifully escort | | | | Unfortunately public restrooms these days are |
| me from the car, through a seemingly endless maze | | | | designed by the same people that make concert halls |
| of vehicles, up and down the hills, lit only by the | | | | so they have roughly the same acoustics. Not only |
| images flashing across the giant screen, to the public | | | | did my son hear it, he felt obligated to comment. He |
| restroom at the snack bar. I can still remember dad | | | | said the same thing I had said to him when he made |
| being perplexed by my need to go so bad while in | | | | that sound, ?Hey, sounds like DIARRHEA!? Diarrhea, |
| the car, then taking so long to go once we actually | | | | was not even a public word when I was growing up. |
| reached the restroom. Sitting my naked behind on a | | | | Now we have to hear about it on television |
| strange seat in a row of booths with strangers on | | | | commercials. Even so, it is still a word you just do not |
| either side, it was all just too much. Even worse was | | | | want to hear in public. I looked again at those gigantic |
| waiting in a long line of strangers, dancing around in | | | | feet. I thought, if he stood up he could probably |
| my pajamas holding my crotch while I waited to | | | | punch me right over the top of the stall. ?Are you |
| attempt to go in the totally open public peeing | | | | about done there son?,? I asked hoping that this |
| trough. Forget about it. | | | | would all be over soon. |
| With this in mind, I intended to make this as easy as | | | | Finally he was finished. As he was bending over so I |
| possible for my son . He seemed eager. He was | | | | could wipe his little tush, his head got down below |
| excited by this whole ordeal, this giant step from | | | | the adjoining wall. Still using his one-volume-fits-all |
| baby in diapers to manhood. He was ready to make | | | | voice he asked, ?Do you want my daddy to come |
| that step. He charged right into the men's room with | | | | and wipe your bottom too?? Mercifully the owner of |
| me right beside him. I took him into the first empty | | | | the feet next door did not feel the need to answer. |
| stall got his pants down lifted his little bottom up | | | | Thankfully, those feet and their owner just stayed |
| onto the seat. The first obstacle was that the hole in | | | | put while I wiped, zipped, buttoned and packed my |
| the seat was a bit larger than the one at home and | | | | son out of there like a thief stealing a loaf of bread. I |
| it was not the complete circle of comfort he was | | | | kept him tightly tucked under my arm and I didn?t |
| used to at home. At home he had a little plastic | | | | set him down again until we were back beside my |
| doughnut that made the hole a little smaller complete | | | | wife. "Is everything alright, you look dazed?? my wife |
| with a front deflector shield that made the process | | | | asked looking at me. ?Well sure, yes, it went fine, |
| relatively fool proof. Now he had to balance on the | | | | but if a really big guy starts coming toward us I?ll |
| edge of an abyss, use one hand to aim and the | | | | meet you back at the car,? I said. ?Why, what?s |
| other to hold on to daddy. That extra inch of | | | | wrong?,? she inquired out of genuine concern. ?Well |
| clearance on each side was the difference between | | | | it?s nothing really except our son just asked a very |
| sitting comfortably and struggling to keep from | | | | large pair of feet if he wanted his daddy to come |
| getting his bottom wet. I held him steady so he could | | | | and wipe his bottom too... By the way, next time he |
| relax. Which he did. So relaxed in fact that he took | | | | needs to go, it?your turn.? |