| The following anomaly took place at the
| |
| | (looking sheepisly at the floor)
|
| Governor's Manison in Tallahassee when
| |
| | That you don't want the job,
|
| Governor Bush was screening "Dr.
| |
| | sir.Governor Bush
|
| Strangelove" for General Turgidson. The
| |
| | That's right, and if I hear you call me
|
| exchange may be due in part to the fact
| |
| | that one more time, I'm going to demote
|
| that Governor Bush was breathing through
| |
| | you-- no, I'm going to kick you out of
|
| an inhaler at the time.Governor Bush
| |
| | the Florida National Guard and then
|
| (muffled)
| |
| | you'll have to get a real job and won't
|
| I keep telling you, General Turgidson,
| |
| | get anybody to salute you. Do you
|
| I'm not the President.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | understand?Gen. Turgidson
|
| I'm sorry, sir, it's just that you exude
| |
| | I do, sir, and I promise you that won't
|
| so much authority I keep forgetting
| |
| | be necessary.Governor Bush
|
| you're his kid brother.Governor Bush
| |
| | Good, now please tell me how big this
|
| (muffled)
| |
| | spaceport gap is?Gen. Turgidson
|
| Stop trying to kiss up and get to the
| |
| | Well, from what I can tell, sir, we
|
| point.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | still have a chance. New Mexico is
|
| Well, Governor, it looks like the
| |
| | putting up $200 million to build theirs
|
| Ruskies aren't the ones we have to worry
| |
| | from scratch in some godforsaken desert
|
| about getting civilians into space first
| |
| | or something. Seems these things need a
|
| on regularly scheduled commercial
| |
| | lot of space which kinda caught me by
|
| flights.Governor Bush pauses and turns to
| |
| | surprise. I mean, it's not like we're
|
| Turgidson with a sigh.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | going to be launching them like rockets
|
| It's New Mexico!Governor Bush
| |
| | at Canaveral. Hell, they take off and
|
| (yanks the inhaler away)
| |
| | land on a runway. I don't know, maybe
|
| What?!Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | those eggheads know something I don't but
|
| I know. I found it hard to believe
| |
| | if it's supposed to be so safe and
|
| myself. They got that Limey, you know,
| |
| | regular, what the hell do they need all
|
| the guy that owns Virgin Airlines. What's
| |
| | that space for? I thought they'd be
|
| his name?Governor Bush
| |
| | sharing runways with MIA.Governor Bush
|
| Branson.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | Get to the point, General Turgidson,
|
| Yeah, that guy. What is he, a lord or
| |
| | before those New Mexicans finish building
|
| something?Governor Bush
| |
| | the damn thing.Gen. Turgidson
|
| A knight.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | Sorry, sir. Anyway, despite everything
|
| Yeah, whatever. Seems he made a deal
| |
| | I've said, it ain't as bad as it
|
| with New Mexico to build the first
| |
| | looks.Governor Bush rolls his eyes,
|
| spaceport for his Virgin Galatic. Talk
| |
| | shakes his head, and sighs.Gen. Turgidson
|
| about gall. Hell, Florida should be the
| |
| | We already got a runway! 10,500 feet of
|
| first place to do that! Not New Mexico,
| |
| | poured concrete right out in the middle
|
| for crisesakes! When was the last time
| |
| | of the goddamn f***ing
|
| they ever launched somebody into outer
| |
| | Everglades!Governor Bush
|
| space?Governor Bush
| |
| | General Turgidson, must I remind you?
|
| Where is New Mexico?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | This is not the White House!Gen.
|
| Hell, Mr. President-- I'm sorry-- Sir, I
| |
| | Turgidson
|
| had to look it up. It's next to
| |
| | I'm sorry, sir. I'll keep that in mind.
|
| Texas!Governor Bush
| |
| | I'm just so gaw...darn excited about what
|
| I thought I heard of it.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | I discovered. The damn thing's been
|
| Yeah, but that ain't the half of it.
| |
| | sitting there since the 1970's. Seems
|
| Texas is building a spaceport
| |
| | Miami was going to build a Jetport to
|
| too!Governor Bush
| |
| | accomodate the new SSTs that were
|
| What?!Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | coming. Because they were supposed to be
|
| That's right, sir. They're building it
| |
| | so fu--freaking loud, they built it way
|
| on some guy's ranch.Governor Bush
| |
| | out in the Everglades so no one could
|
| My brother's?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | hear it take off and land. It's 36-miles
|
| No, some guy named...
| |
| | west of Miami, man-- I mean, sir! They
|
| (whips out a notepad and starts reading
| |
| | got as far as one single two-mile long
|
| from it)
| |
| | runway before Congress killed the SST and
|
| Bezos. Jeff Bezos. He co-founded
| |
| | a bunch of tree huggers killed the plan.
|
| Governor Bush
| |
| | They still use it, Mr.-- Sir. For
|
| You gotta be freaking kidding me?Gen.
| |
| | emergencies and pilot training, you know,
|
| Turgidson
| |
| | touch-and-goes.Governor Bush
|
| I wish I was, Mr.-- Governor. But it
| |
| | Are you trying to tell me in your own
|
| gets worse.Governor Bush
| |
| | simple minded way that I don't have to
|
| Should I be sitting down?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | ask for money to build a runway?Gen.
|
| You already are, sir.Governor Bush
| |
| | Turgidson
|
| (sighs)
| |
| | Well, I'm not sayin' it won't cost
|
| Then go ahead. Let me have it.Gen.
| |
| | something-- maybe a few million dollars,
|
| Turgidson
| |
| | ten tops. It doesn't have any lights and
|
| Oklahoma is building one too.Governor
| |
| | its got a critter problem.Governor Bush
|
| Bush
| |
| | A critter problem"?Gen. Turgidson
|
| Oh, lord.Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | Gators and the occasional deer get on
|
| Do you know where that is, sir?Governor
| |
| | the runway, but that can be rectified at
|
| Bush
| |
| | little or no cost, sir, when you compare
|
| (wearily waving his hand)
| |
| | it to what those New Mexicans are going
|
| Yes, yes, it's somewhere out west.Gen.
| |
| | to have to shell out. Hell, Governor,
|
| Turgidson
| |
| | with a little TLC, we can be launching
|
| (checking his notes)
| |
| | civies in no time. Beat those New
|
| So is New Jersey, Nova Scotia, Scotland,
| |
| | Mexicans at their own game.Governor Bush
|
| and some place called Manus
| |
| | (pausing, staring into space)
|
| Island.Governor Bush
| |
| | I wonder how many mules it would take to
|
| Where the hell is that?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | get me and Columba's luggage out to their
|
| Somewhere off of Papua New
| |
| | launch pad?General Turgidson is taken
|
| Guinea.Governor Bush
| |
| | back. His eyes blink uncomprehendingly as
|
| You mean to tell me headhunters got the
| |
| | Governor Bush turns his chair slowly
|
| jump on us?!Governor Bush grabs his
| |
| | toward him.Governor Bush
|
| inhaler, puts it over his nose and mouth,
| |
| | I'm joking.General Turgidson
|
| and takes a really deep breath.Governor
| |
| | Oh, hey, and a very good one too,
|
| Bush
| |
| | sir.Governor Bush
|
| WHAWE
| |
| | General, before I leave office in
|
| STA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AND?G
| |
| | January, I want that spaceport gap
|
| en. Turgidson
| |
| | closed! Florida isn't going to get
|
| Excuse me, sir. I didn't quite catch
| |
| | bushwhacked by a bunch of New Mexican
|
| that.Governor Bush
| |
| | Johnny-come-lately rocket jockies.
|
| (pulls the inhaler away)
| |
| | Kennedy had nine years to get to the
|
| I said WHERE DO WE STAND?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | moon. I'm giving you five months. I want
|
| Well, sir, to put it bluntly, we have a
| |
| | Columba and me to leave office with a
|
| spaceport gap. We're working on it, but
| |
| | bang, on the first regularly scheduled
|
| nothing is locked down yet. Mr.
| |
| | civilian rocket flight in the world--
|
| President, if I may say so--Governor Bush
| |
| | from Florida. Do I make myself
|
| (stopping in mid breath)
| |
| | clear?General Turgidson
|
| What did you just call me?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | (snapping to a salute)
|
| I'm sorry, sir-- Oh, why don't you just
| |
| | Yes, sir!D.C. Copeland is a writer and
|
| run for President, sir, and get it over
| |
| | award-winning artist. When visiting
|
| with. Your brother even says you'd make a
| |
| | Copeland's personal website and blog you
|
| great president.Governor Bush
| |
| | will discover that Wayne Cochran is the
|
| (slowly, patiently)
| |
| | Patron Saint and that many people
|
| And what have I been telling everybody
| |
| | consider it to be "The Rodney Dangerfield
|
| including the press?Gen. Turgidson
| |
| | of Blogs.
|
