| Parents take note: We're living in a time when being | | | | and pave the way to a successful future. Take a cue |
| "different" actually pays off. | | | | from Tiger Woods' father. When he noticed that his |
| How to nurture individuality in the formative years. | | | | child was a budding golf prodigy, he saw the |
| By Robin Fisher Roffer | | | | opportunity and ignored the odds stacked against a |
| Few jobs are more daunting than raising well-rounded, | | | | young, bi-racial golfer in a sport dominated by older |
| happy, confident kids. On one hand, you adore what | | | | white men. We all know how his story ended. |
| makes your child unique: your daughter's all-consuming | | | | Every parent has a child who is an individual, who is |
| love of science (she's bordering on nerdy!) or your | | | | unlike anybody else on this planet. You have known |
| son's quiet disposition and curious spirit. On the other, | | | | this person from his first minute in the world, and |
| you worry that being too "different"-too shy, too | | | | you know what makes him special. At a young age, |
| short, too tomboyish (or, in the case of boys, too | | | | children aren't in a position to leverage themselves in |
| sensitive), too anything-is a sure path to unpopularity | | | | the real world like adults can-and this is where you |
| and isolation. What's a conflicted parent to do? Urge | | | | are their biggest asset. If you know why your kid is |
| your child to succeed within socially prescribed | | | | unique, don't just gush about it around the water |
| boundaries? Or let him or her break the (unspoken) | | | | cooler-get your child involved in ways that will benefit |
| rules and risk being labeled "weird"? | | | | him now and well into the future. |
| First, stop fretting. Your hand-wringing desire for your | | | | Teach him to use his differences to make a |
| child to "fit in" is surely borne of love, but it's also | | | | difference. Kids who learn to give back at an early |
| misguided for an age in which diversity is celebrated. | | | | age are that much more likely to do so well into their |
| Even if your child does face a few bumps in the | | | | adult lives. Getting involved is a great life lesson, and |
| road, learning to be herself (or himself) will pay off in | | | | a great way for you to spend time together as a |
| the long run. | | | | family. Let your child pick a cause that he cares |
| Kids who are confident in themselves, their | | | | about, and then help him to use his differences to |
| background, and their unique way of thinking, looking, | | | | make a difference in the lives of others. |
| or acting are more likely to succeed, not in spite of | | | | If your child is a star athlete, teach him to use his |
| their differences, but because of them. The benefits | | | | sports star status to raise money for a charity. You |
| of being a bold individual just keep on unfolding as | | | | can ask the team's sponsor to help, or have fans |
| your kids reach adulthood-especially these days. | | | | donate $1 per goal to be donated to a good cause. |
| We are living in an era that celebrates uniqueness-not | | | | Or does your daughter have a way with animals that |
| for its own sake but for the tangible benefits it yields | | | | reminds you of the dog whisperer? Sign up to be |
| throughout life. There has never been a better time | | | | volunteers at the local animal shelter. Working |
| to be yourself. Embracing and nurturing your inner | | | | together on a common cause can have only positive |
| "fearless fish" brings far richer rewards than | | | | results. You get to spend time as a family and you |
| conformity ever could. | | | | get to help out the community-all while teaching your |
| Your unusual personality, outlook, appearance, or | | | | future fearless fish an important life skill! |
| background-really, any attribute that sets you apart-is | | | | Let her change her mind. Nobody wants to raise a |
| not a liability but an asset. Being different gets you | | | | quitter, and sometimes that can mean we force our |
| noticed, whether it's in the office, at school, or at | | | | kids to stick with activities and hobbies that may not |
| home with your own family, and that is the first step | | | | be right for who they are growing up to be. If Sally |
| to gaining influence with those around you. | | | | LOVED horseback riding last month, but this week |
| When you refuse to hide or downplay your | | | | she will absolutely die if she doesn't get to join the |
| uniqueness, it makes you more authentic-and people | | | | local 4-H, it can be enough to make your head spin, |
| gravitate toward those they like, trust, and believe in. | | | | and your wallet shrink. While it's not okay to let kids |
| Take Barack Obama, for example. His entire | | | | have free reign over your schedule (or your budget!), |
| campaign celebrated his differences and used change | | | | it's important to pay attention to their changing |
| as a cornerstone for his message. Today, he's the | | | | interests and to encourage them to pursue different |
| President of the United States because voters saw | | | | things until they find what suits them. |
| that he was authentic and true to himself, and they | | | | While the outlet for your child's passion may change, |
| were drawn to him. | | | | the root of who she is stays the same. Clearly, Sally |
| Today's kids are growing up in a time of exhilarating | | | | has a passion for nature, and through different |
| change, an era in which they face more opportunities | | | | experiences she will learn to use that passion to stay |
| (and yes, more challenges) than any group before | | | | relevant and current. As a fearless fish, you have to |
| them. Read on to learn how to help them navigate | | | | keep reinventing yourself, changing with the times |
| the road before them by being a fearless fish out of | | | | and with the places you work and live, while holding |
| water (just like you!): | | | | on to the essential you. If your kids want to pursue |
| Be a truly fearless leader. One of the most effective | | | | something, let them try for a year. Once the season |
| ways of teaching our kids is to lead by example. Our | | | | is over, if they want to move on, it's okay to let |
| children look up to us and mimic the behaviors they | | | | them. Forcing kids to stay involved in something they |
| see in their parents each day. If they see a person | | | | don't care about will only smother the fire in them |
| who is comfortable in her own skin, who dares to go | | | | that you're trying to stoke. |
| against the flow, and most importantly, who is | | | | Know when to let go. It's inevitable: You can't |
| happy, they will learn to do the same for themselves. | | | | protect your kids from everything, and sooner or |
| If this doesn't describe you, well, it's time to take a | | | | later (and it's probably sooner!) they are going to be |
| look in the mirror. | | | | faced with a challenge that will rock their world. |
| Your children are watching you, and usually when you | | | | Maybe a bully at school has made Susie her new |
| least expect it. If you are an authentic person and | | | | target, or Timmy didn't make the basketball team |
| you live your own life as a fearless fish, your kids will | | | | and all his friends did. For kids, upsets like these are |
| see that and it will serve as a powerful lesson for the | | | | devastating. But they are also perfect opportunities |
| people they will become. Make sure to be who you | | | | for them to learn how to overcome obstacles by |
| are wherever you go-at work, at home, at your | | | | practicing the ABCs for fish out of water-action, |
| children's school-and when they see the confidence | | | | belief, and courage. |
| you exhume and the respect you command, they will | | | | Don't try to swoop in and make it all better. That |
| follow your lead. | | | | may be the worst thing you can do. Instead, help |
| Help your kids to fit in the right way. It's only natural | | | | your child equip himself with the means to solve his |
| for kids (of any age) to want to be like their | | | | own problems. If Timmy didn't make the team, but |
| peers-and that's okay. The compromise to this | | | | you know he's a talented artist, encourage him to |
| scenario is to encourage your kids to associate with | | | | get more involved in the school's art program or sign |
| kids who are more like them. That way, they can | | | | him up for advanced art classes at the local |
| feel accepted and part of a group while being | | | | community college. Or help Susie boost her |
| themselves. Encourage your kids to join clubs or local | | | | self-esteem and confidence by enrolling her in a |
| groups that cater to their personalities and interests. | | | | karate class or debate team; her bully will move on |
| If your son is a music whiz, sign him up for a local | | | | when she learns that her victim can stand up for |
| music class so he can make friends with other kids | | | | herself. |
| who share his talent and passion. Or encourage your | | | | There's a great bonus that comes with striving to |
| daughter to join the science club or debate team at | | | | raise fearless kids: In the process, you perfect and |
| school, depending on her interests. Find a place where | | | | refine your own journey toward fearlessness. |
| your kids can still fit in and feel like part of the group, | | | | Parenting is as much about your growth and |
| while at the same time fostering their individuality and | | | | evolution as it is your child's. As we teach, we learn. |
| unique talents. | | | | And there's no richer or more rewarding path than |
| Foster and encourage your child's unique gifts. | | | | learning how to cast aside our fear and be true to |
| Nobody knows your child as well as you do, which | | | | ourselves. Living an authentic life successfully is |
| puts you in the perfect position to identify those | | | | fulfilling beyond words-and an opportunity that no |
| qualities that will make him stand out from the crowd | | | | child should go without. |