| Boundaries are important. Most people don't | | | | children's rooms without thinking twice about it. You |
| understand boundaries. Mostly, this is because they | | | | want the kids to ask permission to use something |
| don't have any themselves, so they feel insulted | | | | that is yours, yet you freely give siblings permission |
| when someone else does. Boundaries allow you to | | | | to use each other's things, when those things are not |
| define your space-mentally, physically, emotionally. | | | | even yours to give. Mixed messages all over the |
| Boundaries keep you from becoming overwhelmed, | | | | place! You are teaching them that they are not |
| overpowered, and can help you remain calm, | | | | allowed to have control over their own space |
| centered and healthy. Boundaries also keep you safe. | | | | property/lives. Oh, the government loves that! But is |
| Physical Boundaries | | | | that really the message you want to give to your |
| Most people have a "comfort zone" around them. If | | | | children?? |
| you are with a stranger and get too close, they will | | | | Emotional Boundaries |
| back up. That is because you have entered their | | | | Another type of boundary is the emotional boundary. |
| space. Some people's "zone" is smaller than others'. | | | | When you are faced with emotions, yours or |
| You can experiment with it by going up to someone | | | | someone else's that are overwhelming to you, it is |
| and speaking with her/him. Take very small steps | | | | important to find an appropriate way to deal with it. |
| closer to the person and notice how close you get | | | | Likewise, it is important to teach this to your children. |
| before they back up from you. Try this with a | | | | If you are feeling angry, you need to consider the |
| variety of people: men, women, different age groups, | | | | boundaries that have been crossed to bring you to |
| different settings, and notice what happens. Notice | | | | that place. You also have to consider the boundaries |
| how close you allow people to come into your | | | | you might be about to cross as a result of your |
| physical space when you're not doing this experiment. | | | | anger. |
| When you teach young children about "inappropriate | | | | When someone is all up in your face about an issue, |
| touching," you are teaching them about personal | | | | sometimes you just have to put one or both of your |
| space and physical boundaries. When you teach them | | | | hands up in front of you, palm facing them, and say, |
| about staying in the yard or the neighborhood or | | | | "Whoa!" It is a simple, physical action that expresses |
| about not going off with strangers, you are teaching | | | | "STOP!" When you do this, and teach your children to |
| them about physical space boundaries. | | | | do this, it allows for others to realize that emotional |
| There are other sorts of physical boundaries too. | | | | boundaries have been reached. It says, "Stop the |
| You might allow some people into the entryway of | | | | action!" You can then back away from the situation |
| your home, but not the living room. You might allow | | | | and find another method to sort things out. |
| them into your living room, but not your bedroom, | | | | You might go into another room while tempers cool |
| etc. Your kids claim their bedrooms as their personal | | | | down. Think about what triggered the issue and |
| space, some more firmly than others, depending | | | | consider if it was worth the level of escalation. (It |
| upon their age, temperament, etc. It is important to | | | | rarely is!) Then, come back together to express love, |
| honor physical boundaries. | | | | apologize and discuss what got you heated up in the |
| Just as you wouldn't want a stranger barging into | | | | first place. |
| your home, or your kids barging into your bedroom | | | | Oftentimes, fears of one or both individuals are the |
| without knocking, it makes sense and is respectful | | | | underlying trigger. Discuss how each person felt when |
| for you to knock and be asked in, before you enter | | | | certain boundaries were crossed. By centering the |
| your children's bedroom when the door is closed. | | | | discussion on love, fear, and feelings, you can be |
| You expect someone to knock before entering your | | | | more productive in moving your relationship forward. |
| office, bedroom, etc., yet you barge into your | | | | |